Sometimes I just sits

A gazillion years ago, when I was in college, I had a poster on my dorm wall I dearly loved. It was a picture of a wooden stool, and at the top it said, "Sometimes I sits and thinks" and under the stool it said, "And sometimes I just sits".

Although I did love that poster, I've discovered I do a lot of just 'sits'. I feel like I'm rapidly approaching a time in my life where I'm going to be forced to slow down, and I know I haven't accomplished even a tiny bit of what I've always wanted to. In my self-reflecting, I see that I have done way too much 'sitting'. I've let a lot of things get away from me; things I wanted to do, but felt I didn't have the time, or most probably the money, to do. I guess I could put part of the blame on my mother as she raised me to always do the right thing,and by that I mean to make sure the things that need to be taken care of are taken care of, but I know it's mostly my fault - I settled for doing what needed to be done, not what I wanted to do. I've worked hard, but not at what is most important to me.

My one huge dream, since I was quite young, was to become a writer. I've finally done that. I've written one book, which is now online (although I've only sold about 12 copies). I have another finished that's half edited, another one started that is all stand-alone stories, and I've just started my fourth one - which looks like it's going to be the hardest one I've done yet. My books aren't very thought provoking by any means; they are simply simple stories of families and friendships and what happens when you look for something you really already have.

I enjoy writing however. It makes me feel good to write. In my search for a job after being laid off and working temp jobs for 5 years, I still found the time to write. Upon finding a job, finally, I threw myself into learning the job, worrying about what I didn't know, dealing with a building full of differing personalities and came home exhausted every day to sit like a log on the sofa watching recorded shows. My weekends have been taken up with doing all the things I 'should' be doing: laundry, cleaning house, running errands I couldn't do during the week...things you don't have to really think about, you just do them. And then your weekend is *pfft* gone.

I've decided I need to do more 'sits and thinks'. Sitting in front of the keyboard, making up new plot lines, inventing new characters and situations. I also need to temper that with 'sits' that are part and parcel of 'sits and thinks'. I need to sit outside on good days and watch Jypsy run around the back yard like a hooligan, leaping at bugs and burrowing her head in piles of leaves. I need to spend more time with good friends and talk and laugh. I need to be there for my friends; dog-sitting, plant-sitting, errand-running, consoling on any myriad of stressful situations that needs a sympathetic ear. Most importantly, I need to spend 30 minutes a day writing. If I only get a couple of pages written, that's two pages more than I had. Hmmm. That sounds really good. I think I'll sits and think about it.